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Happy Independence Day

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More pics of my day off and OUT in Seattle. Today at work was a nightmare in one sense, a blessing in another. It was a long day ... 7AM to 6PM ... but all overtime ! Now I can afford that extra couple days vacation in July ! Sweet !

But it still drives me nuts to work with people who are SO irresponsible. TWO people called in today. Same two as a few weeks ago. And a few weeks before that, too. Hey ! We've ALL got issues ... we all have crisis and sadness, but c'mon already . Calling in " sick " every time it feels hard to cope ? Shit ! I'd be off half the year if THAT were the way it worked ... I'll try to post something Fourth-of-July-ish tomorrow ...after all, it is INDEPENDENCE DAY.

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Nothing quite like a day at the Market. We actually went down to catch a glimpse of Rosie . ( No, it's NOT stupid ! ) We saw the cruise ship ...Went down to the boarding area for a bit, but no Rosie. I'm on my way to Alaska with her in spirit *

I happen to think of Rosie as a kind of mentor, both for politics and her art. Truth is, her " voice " is what comes through loud and clear in both. I love a person who lives at the end of those nerves. Some people work too hard at becoming numb to things. It's less confronting. It requires little, if any, action ... and it dulls the very nerves that are the real center of who we are. Those who know me know that I live wide open. I don't temper my opinions or my passion for things. I've heard it said that if you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space ... touchee'

Excuse me now while I drift a bit closer to that edge. The view is FAR better over there ...

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GRAMPS !!!

Memorial Day 2006

Memorial Day 2006

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WOW ! Great stuff ! Lucie Silvas

The Da Vinci Code

Just saw the movie. Wow ! That's all I can muster at the moment. A lot to ponder and digest. Loved it ! I might have to read the book now for sure.

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On Monday I came home to a beautiful burst of color in my art room. Kelly had a vase of gorgeous tulips waiting for me when I ( finally ) arrived home from work. Monday I celebrated 16 years clean and sober. Yesterday, she got me these beautiful Miniature Gerber Daisies. I'm a lucky, lucky girl !

Anniversaries like that are a perfect time for reflection. I love that others ( Kim, my parents ...) acknowledge my " special day " but I am proud of myself, too. Sixteen years ago I switched tracks and got this train goin' a different direction. I have no regrets. It's almost hard to remember the nights I spent driving home so intoxicated I don't remember HOW I did it in the morning. It's hard to see MYSELF as the person who was so obnoxious and unkind to others when I engaged in a bit too much partying. I always thought drugs and alcohol made me more sociable ... more attractive, more creative, funnier ... I thought I was so entertaining and clever and " together " . But when life began to unravel, I had to see the starkness of what my world was REALLY like.

If I had made other choices sixteen years ago, my life might be hurtling down that same godless track toward self-destruction. Or maybe it would have crashed by now and I wouldn't have lived to see the things I know and love today ...

It ain't perfect, my life ... I still have unkind moments. I'm still a spoiled brat once in awhile, and I still raise my voice when a whisper will do. But I don't have the CRAZINESS that came from that near constant intoxication. I don't have the drama. I just have LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS. And I can handle that. I've learned to trust my feelings. I've learned to trust and pay attention to my intuition. I get to make amends more quickly and absorb life a bit more slowly and on a deeper level. I have relationships with my family that I never dreamed of, and a relationship with Kelly that makes me SO grateful that I can be open and honest and generous and caring. Yes, I'm a lucky, lucky girl *

Life IS good ~

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Conspiracy theory update.

So. Most of you who know me, know I hate this administration. Since last year I have been floating my own theory on what is building to a crescendo in national politics. I do NOT believe we will have a free and fair election for President in 2008. In fact, I don't believe we will have an election at all. With control of the media ( FOX NEWS will become our " state run " news channel ) , the courts ( up to, and including the Supreme Court ) and the reality that the Congress is becoming more and more irrelevant every day , makes it possible for this administration to simply cancel the next election. Some have said " that's impossible " ... but is it ?

They have been wiretapping US citizens for years. Now it comes out that they have been browsing phone records illegally, and it doesn't stop there. They know what books we read, what subjects we search for on the internet and what we spend our money on. And I'm talking about SPECIFICS, not generalities. We have had our privacy assaulted by these people and it's just the beginning.

They have manipulated the masses to the degree that they can effectively " change the subject " when the criticism gets too loud. They either manipulate the " terror alert level " or start harping on issues like gay marriage, abortion and bird flu to distract us. We saw the level of care and concern this administration has for us after Katrina. We saw the wretched state of federal response. We are now seeing thousands denied housing allowances, empty trailers that could be put to good use sitting in lots in unaffected states, and insurance companies refusing to pay on damage claims. It is despicable. It is embarrassing. It is our reality.

Tax cuts when the deficit is climbing ? A war in IRAQ when the economy is struggling to stabilize ? Tough talk about IRAN even with the FUBAR that is the " war on terror " still playing itself out. Who will fight ? Who will say YES to another bloodbath for young Americans ? No one will. The volunteer army is about to be swallowed up too. Don't kid yourselves. They've had a taste of the kind of power and control that destroys countries. To think they would chance losing their momentum by allowing a " vote of the people " is absurd. There is no way these tyrants are going to let go of power. There is certainly no way they intend to relinquish it by a vote of " the people " .

The truth is, on the whole the electorate is ignorant. People don't engage in true debate. People don't have vision. People think that showing up is all they have to do to fufill their obligation. WE NEED PEOPLE TO DO MORE. We need people to wake up and see what is right in front of them. We need people to be involved in their own lives. If I were a viable candidate running for office and I said these things, there would be people who voted for the " other guy " because they don't like hearing the truth about themselves. Karl Rove knows how ignorant the electorate is. He also knows how to manipulate it. This administration is evil. They don't give a damn about us. Not really. This is about world dominance, and if you believe it can't happen in the good ol' U S of A ... think again. Think about the changes in the last eight years.

For heaven's sake, think about what is happening RIGHT NOW. The President is considering using the National Guard to patrol the borders. That puts the military in physical control of half of the US borders. It brings the possibility of martial law into view for the first time ever. No wonder BUSH is courting the new leaders in Canada. He needs their help. We'd be exposed via Florida, but there's another BUSH in charge there. That could be the gateway for the REAL evil to come into this country ... ( I'll save THAT theory for a different day )

Still think it can't happen here ? Is it really about an immigration problem ? Or is it all about the morphing of our prized democracy into a police state.

The foundation is poured.
The walls are going up around us every day.
Open your eyes !

And don't just say NO ... say HELL NO !

TAG !

I have been tagged by Nici for this particular meme; seems I have to answer these four questions and then tag some other poor unsuspecting bloggers.

Five items in my fridge:

1. Laura's beef ( the good kind, assuming there IS a good kind ... )
2. 4 lbs of strawberries
3. sweet mini peppers
4. a large container of great homemade pasta salad that Kelly made
5. vitamin water

Five items in my closet:

1. seven STACKS of t-shirts
2. 3 suitcases
3. 3 new pair of UGG's
4. 10 postal shirts
5. The New York Times from September 12th 2001

Five items in my purse:

1. my player card for soccer
2. a small plastic sleeve stuffed with stamps
3. a letter from Helen *
4. Burt's Bees lip stuff that goes on white ... I look like a clown for a good ten minutes
5. my fifteen year AA coin ... about to be traded up !

Five Items in my car:

1. red and black soccer ball
2. a " Little Bear " teddy bear that talks
3. a Thomas Guide ( that I never use )
4. a " panic button " that lets off a shrill noise when pushed
5. Gregory Page's newest CD

Five people I've tagged:
1. George
2. Mary
3. Spike
4. Genevieve
5. Blue

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I'm sitting here tonight pondering my soccer career. I started on a team in March after years ( and years ) away from the game. Positions had changed and I would SWEAR the fields are larger and the games are longer ! That first night I met my team for the first time. I didn't know a soul. I'm not really like them. I'm not a " soccer Mom " or a devotee for years. I love the game and long for some worthwhile exercise. Actually, I guess that's why we're all there.

I lasted one and a half games before caving to my torn quad muscle. I would've thought it would be my knees that deceived me somehow, but I was wrong. A torn quad muscle will make you aware of it's distress on a regular basis. Every step, every acceleration of the gas pedal, every stair .

I missed the next four weeks.

Last week I started back up. Great field, fairly warm night, and I got a goal ! I woke up sore, but I had a fairly good week. Last night, another game. Big stadium, nice field ( although a pretty rough part of Seattle ) and a cool night. I blew several scoring opportunities, and may have injured my quad muscle all over again.

I suppose for some folks it would be a " no-brainer " to just quit while Im ahead and join the local Bocce Club instead. But I love it. I love the smell of the evening air. I love the running, the adrenalin, the being a part of a team . Frankly, I love the game. It just doesn't seem to be loving ME at the moment.

More ...

Sunday Morning Delight

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Yesterday it rained like it meant it. Not only were the drops of some seriousness, but it was cold. A good reminder that it is sill early spring here ... anything can happen. Aside from my usual postal endeavors ( of which I am quite slow these days ...) I am planning a major overhaul of the backyard. The flowering trees are nice, but the grass that is shaded by them grows pitifully, if at all. I'm going to rip out squares of lawn, flip them over, cover them with newspaper and allow them to compost into good planting soil. I'll cover some of the ground with stone blocks, to create a walking surface, some ground I'll leave for planting, and some I'll cover with either rainbow rock or simple river rock. I'll try to sketch out my plan and post it here before I begin. We've got a small backyard, but one that is full of potential.

The front yard is looking good already. The roses are looking healthy, the birch tree is greening up with leaves and the rhodies are just about to bloom. I think the lawn is at its healthiest ever. The weeds seem minimal, and the mossy parts are showing signs of improvement too. I've got some work to do on the flower beds, but I'm proud of it looking so good in early spring.

The soccer season is more than half over, and I just completed only my SECOND full game. We played to a one-one tie, but I got my first goal ! It's all worth it now ;) My body is adjusting to this new exercise, and I have recovered nicely from a pulled quad muscle I suffered early on. Amazing how you really DO get to an age where your body defies your mind. I am nimble and quick in my mind ... on the field it's not always the case. I'm definitely inspired to get in better condition. I think that playing on an over-30 team as opposed to an over-40 one is good incentive. I'm not really in bad shape at all compared to my teammates.

I just got some sample packaging, etc from Art-O-Mat. I am going to try to come up with some art that I can produce FIFTY pieces of, and submit it to them for consideration. Wish me luck. Now that I've seen some of the offerings, I'm inspired to try to "do what I do" on a small wooden block surface as opposed to paper. Should be a fun project. I'd absolutely LOVE to do it.

I'm otherwise engaged with work, Nat & Blake, our family events and my volunteering. This may be my last year at Highland Center as I look for some volunteer opportunity in my own community. I know that there are kids with special needs everywhere, so I'd like to consider my local area for my next endeavor. I'll miss the kids I've been watching grow up at Highland Center, but it just feels like it may be time to move on.

And speaking of moving on ... time to get out and enjoy a reprieve from yesterdays rain !

Art-O-Mat

MAGNIFICENT !!

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Ahhhh... a lazy Sunday. It's been an interesting four weeks. I started out the beginning of April ( and actually ended March ) sick as a dog. Haven't been really laid up like that in a long time. Being off work is always nice, but I got practically nothing accomplished during that first week off. Got my spring cleaning done my first REAL week of vacation, and last week was Disneyland. At this moment I should be outside mowing the lawn, but I just can't seem to get there ...

Last night was egg coloring and we had a great time. The kids are getting very creative as they grow into their little artist selves. All the adults had fun too and we wound up with some great eggs ! If someone had told me fifteen years ago that I would be THIS close to my family, I never would have believed it ! I certainly would have laughed if anyone had suggested we would actually vacation together ! Now it's almost a yearly thing. Last year Hawaii ( my folks came too ) and this year Disneyland. Amazing how much fun we can have together.

We're very lucky. I am truly grateful. I look at my life often enough and wonder why I'm not happier. Wonder why I'm not more content. I have it all, really. A wonderful home, good friends, a stable job, and a great family. I'm out of debt, I have a partner who loves honors and supports who I am, and I have some God-given ( ? ) talent that I occasionally get to put to use for my own artistic development. I wonder what it is that leaves me feeling like something is still askew ...

It's a journey for me. Spiritual, emotional ... maybe both. Maybe I'm just having a little trouble hearing the little voice inside that I KNOW is saying " you're enough " .

" Relax "

I wonder if other people feel that way ? Like something is missing. Like something is out there and is constantly poking at my whole notion of contentment. Maybe I'm expecting too much from the world. Or maybe it's something simple, like I need more sleep ;)

As we move through Spring, I think I'll focus on my own contentment. I'll concentrate on setting my own pace. I'll listen for that little voice ... and when I hear it, I'll abide ...

Last Day

and still more ;)

And still more ...

And more ...

More Disney

Disneyland Days 1 & 2