Wednesday, August 30, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
Sunday Scribblings-The Monster
On the surface, this seems like an easy post. The monster under the bed or in the closet or outside the window. Oh, I've had those visits. The noises that made me jump in the night. Sometimes a smell or a " feeling ". I never met those monsters back then. I grew up.
But so did they.
I met the monster again in my early twenties. It came disguised in a bottle.
It began as a beautiful friendship. We'd go out on the weekends and had a wonderful time together. The monster had me seduced from the beginning. I felt smarter, funnier and more attractive. I'd even have it over during the week once in awhile and it had a way of making me more creative ... even brilliant, I thought. We quickly became inseparable. We spent nearly every evening together. When the monster moved in, things began to change.
Mornings were the hardest. The monster seemed different then. Unpredictable. I started waking with hurt feelings and nagging headaches. The monster offered no real comfort, just more of the same. When I tried to back off, the monster refused to let me go. When I threw it out of the house, it would instinctly know how to find me and get an invitation to come back in. Our relationship became less about the fear of the earlier years or the comradery of the middle years, and more about destruction and control. The monster won for awhile. I allowed it to stay, only because I couldn't find a way to make it leave. It lingered. Like a headache or a cold.
Over sixteen years ago I finally DID find a way to say goodbye. It wasn't pleasant and it wasn't easy. It's like I have a restraining order that is strictly enforced. It's always there. Around the corner, in the restaurant, at parties with friends ... but it stays away as long as I don't invite it back in.
I don't MISS the monster these days. I respect it.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Just a " little lie " ....
So. A big surprise this morning. Nothing like waking up to " breaking news ". I believe these "foiled plots " are designed to keep us all in that very pliable state where we are most easily manipulated. By design, our feelings SHOULD ( if ROVE is still as brilliant as he believes he is ) alternate between outright fear and gratitude that Georgie is keeping us safe with news of his " foiled plot " . Of course, it wouldn't be complete without a mention of Al Queda. Yes, that IS the buzzword. That word that should strike fear in our hearts. ( the " little lie " I'm referencing )
The bad guys are still out there ... BE AFRAID ! Do not let your guard down !
Blah, blah, blah ...
For those who follow my complex conspiracy theory, this is just another piece of the puzzle. Ultimately, I believe we have seen our last free and fair election. I predicted last year that the "alert level " would once again be manipulated. Read my post from : June 11, 2005. Granted, it's a bit " out there " ... but the core of my argument has merit. Little things are happening. Most recently, this administration has proposed taking over control of the National Guard in a time of crisis. Now why in the world would THAT be a good idea ? Why hand over control from the Governors to the President ? Especially after the great federal failure that was their response to Katrina. Why in the world would anyone go for that ? Why in the world would anyone even suggest it ?
I believe it is all a part of the plan to implement martial law when the elections are cancelled. We already have domestic law enforcement in place on the Mexican border. Canada will surely be next, and the coasts are relatively easy to control by comparison. The only place we would be left exposed would be Florida. And that's where Jeb is. A chilling scenario, really.
OK. So more breaking news :
I have a big " sale " to prepare for with the kids. It should be an interesting experience for all of us ... wish us luck !
Sunday, August 06, 2006
Sunday Scribblings
" Who Else Might I Have Been ..."
Well, THAT is quite a question, ain't it.
First off let me say that I am perfectly content with who I am.
I sometimes find myself wondering how my life might have been different had I made different CHOICES, but I really don't give it A LOT of energy . I have a great house, a wonderful partner and a supportive family. Beyond that, most things are irrelevant. I work as a letter carrier full time and an artist part time. I'd love to swap those around, but that isn't how things worked out for me.
The Post Office is a rigid place. It's never been a very good fit with my very " flexible " way of thinking. I have often wondered why I stay doing this job. I've been there over 16 years now. To some degree it defines me. But not how you'd think ...
I love the mail. Not the crap that passes for mail most days, but the letters, the packages, the postcards that inevitably still arrive. I love the feel of letters. I love how sometimes they smell of perfume or cigarettes. Mostly though, this job is about the people.
Not even so much the people I work WITH. It's the people I've come to know through delivering TO. I have made friends, very good friends, through this job. I've touched the lives of people I could never have known any other way if I didn't do this job. I've watched kids grow up. I've watched people lose pets and loved ones. I've talked with people through those losses. I've reached out to help those who just need a little human contact every day. I've learned to be more tolerant. More patient. A better listener. I've learned to be a better person.
If I hadn't made this choice I would not know Candace or Jeanne or Dorothy or Jim and Carolyn. I wouldn't have met Tom and Claire or Todd or Sandra or Kari. I wouldn't have shared the difficult time Margaret had this year, or known Shauna's family or met Mini and Wendy and Ed. I wouldn't have known George. I wouldn't have had the pleasure of Mickey ( the best black lab in the world ) waiting for me every day for a visit, a round of fetch and a couple treats. I wouldn't know Gaye and Pinot and Babette and Susan. There's too many lives I've touched and who have touched mine, to list them all. There is Highland Center, where I've worked with special needs kids the past ten years. I would never have known it was a calling for me to share some of my life with them if I hadn't seen that very special group every day when I dropped off the mail.
Who I am and what I do DOES define me. But it isn't about how much ( or little ) money I make. It isn't about my attendance record or how quickly I complete my rounds. It's about being a touchstone of communication for people. It's about touching all those lives with a consistent and reliable presence. It's about so much more than just a job.
When I ponder who else I might have been, I can't help but think all that I would have to give up to be anyone but who I am.
Maybe I would have finished college, got a degree and cared about the size of my house and car, more than the size of my heart. I might have been more isolated had I chosen other work. I might never have realized my own potential for kindness. I might not have either the time or capacity for others that I have now ...I might not have the kind of relationship I have with Natalie and Blake. I might not be as close to my family.
I wouldn't trade it for the world.
I might have a fleeting thought of " who else I might have been " but I wouldn't trade who I AM for anything ...
2588
Before and after. Whew ! What a project ! It was my " while you were out " project while Kelly was gone. Luckily, she trusts me on most decorating things so I wasn't TOO concerned she wouldn't like it. It took a good three days from start to finish. I didn't even have to buy too much either. One gallon of good " low odor " paint, some painting supplies, and a fruitful trip to IKEA for some of the pictures, frames and accessories. Kelly loved it ! It gave our room a much needed infusion of serenity. I read what I could on feng shui for the bedroom. It should have good flow and some of the " cures " are actually nice touches. ( For instance, there is a crystal that hangs midway between the door and the window that is opposite ... it's beautiful )
Next up is the bathroom in our room ! I'm thinking chocolate, latte', mocha colors ... all earth stuff ! I can hardly wait !
( BTW : The plumbing issue was fixed for around $270.00.( J & K Plumbing was fabulous ! ) If you're local and you're reading this , take note : DO NOT USE SOUTHWEST PLUMBING. LOSERS ! )
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)