Stuff

So, my latest project was the bathroom. I think I'm in my " green phase ". The colors are actually AQUA and BLUE BLOOD, but it seems along the green corridor of the color wheel to me. I love it. It turned out peaceful and serene and I'm glad to have brought more natural stuff ( bamboo woods ) in, and some of the crap ( hair products ) out.

And speaking of hair products ... I hate mine right now. I like the IDEA of having it longer and kinda hanging in my eyes, but the truth is ... it's driving me bat-shit. I'm thinking to myself " when did it happen ? " when did I start getting more old than young ? ".

People ask me all the time about retirement. I think they must think I'm either rich or old. And I seriously doubt they are mistaking me for the rich chick. So when did it happen ? When did I start going to bed while it was still light out ? ( Not that I can actually sleep, mind you ... but I'm IN BED before 9 most nights ). When did I start to lose muscle tone and get those annoying little wrinkles in the corners of my eyes. When did my music and clothes from high school become vintage collectibles ? ( and why didn't I have the presence of mind to keep all that crap ? )

It's such a subtle shift.

One day you wake up and realize you've been 18 years at the same job.
That you didn't touch a drop of alcohol your entire 30's.
That it's impossible to guess people's ages anymore because INSIDE you're still 25 and nothing outside of your self seems connected to any kind of reality anymore.

Maybe it's not so subtle.
It's like falling off a cliff in slow motion ...

I don't feel old exactly. I mean, my body is certainly slower and tighter in the AM. But I "think" better...clearer, now. I wish I had this sensibility when I WAS 25. I write to people younger than myself but it feels like we're contemporaries in all the ways that count. And I think really, ultimately it's our age INSIDE that matters most.

Again, I'm reminded that I can't keep using the same old crappy yardstick. I can't compare myself to anyone else. That's a fools game. Because there will always be someone more or less fortunate than you in any number of ways. The key is be genuine. Be authentic. Not care what people think. Measure how you feel by, well ... how you FEEL. Not by how you feel based on any circumstance or any real or perceived threat of inferiority.

I'm older than I was yesterday.
But I'm feeling fewer aches today.
So, my hair is a bit screwy. At least I still have it.
So what if I'm slower ... I'm taking more IN.
And I'm missing out on a lot less.

I'll keep brightening up my world.
The kitchen is next !
Sunbeam yellow !

One more get-up for me ...
And then it's on to vacation ...

WOOT!