Happy New Year

Chappy Glue Beer ! Indeed ...

Ever have one of those years ? I mean the kind where you start becoming aware of your little quirks. You start not only ESTABLISHING, but understanding, your own boundaries. You start recognizing more immediately the error of your ways. You become distinctly aware that you are now an adult.( Well, and that you HAVE been for quite some time, but it's taken until this year to really sink in ...)

Oh, there's other things too. I sleep lighter, love deeper and become irritated far more quickly than ever before. This year has been a wild ride for me emotionally. I never imagined reaching a point where I'd actually be talking about retirement in a realistic way, or pondering things like health directives and life insurance. But this is that year.

I'm not saying it's bad. No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm just surprised by my own continued growth. Despite the very nice comment left by George last week, I feel like I'm not always leading with kindness. I also don't always feel like "following my heart" has left me on a path I'm intended to be on. Or maybe I'm just suffering a lack of contentment that has left me feeling incredibly uneasy ...

Hmmm ... pretty much the perfect life and yet something is missing.

Maybe it's the absence of my muse ... I haven't done much creatively all year. I try to create something out of my work day, but it's not the best artistic outlet. I can connect with people but I'm not really connecting to my creative part. Traffic makes me grumpy, people who take me for granted make me frustrated and all the while I'm just feeling discontent.

There just HAS to be more ...

I look around my house and see lots of stuff. STUFF. I think it comes to me as a temporary substitute for that contentment. It isn't, hasn't , worked. My resolutions will help me sort through the false comforts but the real goal this year is to look INSIDE for what I have been seeking outside.

Chappy Glue Beer.

Indeed.