America the Beautiful ... indeed !

Just another day in paradise ...

I'm not planning to really write about KittyBoiGus, although he's adorable, is he not ? Nor do I intend to give any updates on my resolutions, though I'm doing just fine, thank you. No, I'll answer a question posed recently : What does retirement mean to you ?

Big question.

Derek talked about owning his own home in three years. Wow ! I don't think I've seriously considered staying anywhere long enough to actually free and clear " own it " . Nice idea, but I keep thinking that the last thing I'd want would to have owned my house over the course of the last several years. As it is, I've seen some equity disolve, but if I'd OWNED it outright, it would be far more difficult to stomach the losses. We bought at a good time and so our house is still worth considerably more than when we bought it. I look at the equity as affording me some options down the road. I don't feel a lot of other attachment. Don't get me wrong, I love the place. I like that it safely contains all that I love. But it doesn't mean I want to be here forever and ever amen.

When I talk about retirement, I mean pension. I'm in my 20th year at the P.O and if I stick it out until the earliest retirement age, I can get a pension. I'd have my retirement savings and home equity as a buffer and start a whole new career. Only next time, it'll be one I love. And maybe it will be somewhere other than where I am now ... I can't imagine not working. I mean, not " doing " something. As much as I love vacation, I can easily get bored. What is that crazy saying about " idle hands and the devil's workshop " ? Anyway. I just want some flexibility and freedom. I do not want to be idle.

With ENOUGH money ( for which I'd have to beg, borrow or steal ) I'd say ideally I'd love to live at the beach. Somewhere WARM all the time, like Hawaii. But I'd also love a little place near Pike Place Market. Freedom and flexibility and doing what you love. Can't beat that with a stick.

















Ahhhhhh, the weekend is finally here ....

Happy New Year

Chappy Glue Beer ! Indeed ...

Ever have one of those years ? I mean the kind where you start becoming aware of your little quirks. You start not only ESTABLISHING, but understanding, your own boundaries. You start recognizing more immediately the error of your ways. You become distinctly aware that you are now an adult.( Well, and that you HAVE been for quite some time, but it's taken until this year to really sink in ...)

Oh, there's other things too. I sleep lighter, love deeper and become irritated far more quickly than ever before. This year has been a wild ride for me emotionally. I never imagined reaching a point where I'd actually be talking about retirement in a realistic way, or pondering things like health directives and life insurance. But this is that year.

I'm not saying it's bad. No, I'm not saying that at all. I'm just surprised by my own continued growth. Despite the very nice comment left by George last week, I feel like I'm not always leading with kindness. I also don't always feel like "following my heart" has left me on a path I'm intended to be on. Or maybe I'm just suffering a lack of contentment that has left me feeling incredibly uneasy ...

Hmmm ... pretty much the perfect life and yet something is missing.

Maybe it's the absence of my muse ... I haven't done much creatively all year. I try to create something out of my work day, but it's not the best artistic outlet. I can connect with people but I'm not really connecting to my creative part. Traffic makes me grumpy, people who take me for granted make me frustrated and all the while I'm just feeling discontent.

There just HAS to be more ...

I look around my house and see lots of stuff. STUFF. I think it comes to me as a temporary substitute for that contentment. It isn't, hasn't , worked. My resolutions will help me sort through the false comforts but the real goal this year is to look INSIDE for what I have been seeking outside.

Chappy Glue Beer.

Indeed.