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A day off again.

I tried sleeping in, but I kept having the same haunting dream. I dreamt I was out delivering mail and my route had been changed. A LOT. There were changes in landscape, addresses, locations of boxes ... it was crazy. I had a full truck of mail and I was totally lost trying to deliver it. I was in an office park and I could see my car parked in one of the stalls. It made me panic even more in my dream, because if I were to continue trying to deliver my route, I would not be able to leave once I got back to the office. Kelly told me she thought it was a sign ... a sign that I had an " out " . That my postal dilemma has a solution, and that it is to walk away from what seems so impossible and confusing. A bold step. Perhaps a very bold dream ...

We saw Barbara DeAngelis earlier this week. She is a fascinating person to listen to. She's written many books on love and relationship, one of which Kelly and I used as our " guide " in proceeding with our rather non-traditional beginning. Now, DeAngelis is talking about something new. She's talking about transforming our lives and really getting clear about what our dreams are, and what is standing in the way. She has an interesting way of making her points in a very visual kind of way. She describes a Chinese vaudeville act where someone is trying to manage a series of spinning plates. Picture this: A series of poles a short distance apart. You take a plate and get it spinning on the pole, then proceed to the next plate. Once you have all the plates spinning, it is largely about keeping them moving. As momentum decreases, the plates begin to wobble and fall. Some even fall before we can reach them. She describes our lives like that. We are constantly trying to keep our " plates " spinning.

I have a lot of plates. My job, my family, my relationships, my pets, my art ( not in any specific order ). I am endlessly trying to keep some balance. I think this all feeds into my question of " settling " . I always use to frame it by way of relationships. I think my " settling " is really about my job. I am constantly trying to find the good in it ( and there certainly IS some ) and constantly rationalizing staying. What I really want to do is ART. I'm an artist. I have found a niche and people love what I create. I crave the time to really nurture that part of me. Maybe I should let that job " plate " fall and crack. Then I could replace it with a new " plate " ...

So, I'll read the book. I'll take some baby steps. I'll keep believing I can do it. I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT ! I CAN DO IT !

I'll return later this weekend. I have much on my mind. Right now I want to enjoy the sun while it's making an appearance. The weatherman keeps calling for rain, but it looks like beautiful blue skies to me ...