1703

Today was just plain busy. Work was a frantic example of too much work in not enough time. And my job isn't the kind of job where you set your own limits and allow for some flexibility. Nope. There is A TASK. It is delivering mail. ALL the mail that day, period. And today was the kind of day where I feel like they don't really know what I'm worth to them.

Deep breath.

As I was driving home I felt my whole body relax, brain and all. I started thinking about how many people are in the world. Even just how many are in my world. Then I started thinking about the people just in my own line of vision. The city where I work is fairly affluent. Lots of big SUV's, designer clothes and shops that only a wealthy person could actually shop at. I have a horrible habit of comparing my insides to other people's outsides. It's hard to be around these people sometimes. I get to thinking I should drive a better car, have a better job, wear better clothes and just " look better ". I drive a nice economical Honda Civic. I work a blue-collar job, and I prefer loose-fitting jeans and a t-shirt to any fancy " label " stuff. I don't think I'm an unattractive person ( I mean, I don't think people feel tempted to look away because they can't stand to look at me ) but I look like I've lived 43 years. My hair has a little white coming in with the blond. I'm certainly not as firm in places as I'd like to be, and I have bags under my eyes most days. The bad days are the ones I feel like I should "be" someone or something, else.

Today was not one of those days.

Today, or rather this evening, I was very aware of everyone in my view. I wasn't looking to COMPARE myself with any of them, but I did take note of the more obvious things that can be seen as differences. Maybe I was exhausted and my rational self was taking a little nap. But in those moments I felt connected to people. I felt compassion for the lady who walks with a serious limp. I felt something for the old people and for the younger ones, but I can't really put my finger on what it was. I just felt connected. And it was like this thread that runs through us all was exposed for a minute. And I could see how amazing it is to be alive.

Deep breath.

A full day. Just the way they should be. Full. Alert. Authentic.

On a different note : I was glad to see justice done today. I personally don't see Michael Jackson as a criminal. And I don't think I'm a bad person for saying so. People seem to think that unless you see him as guilty, then you don't care enough about kids. BS. I care about kids. I also trust that 12 people who came to a unanimous decision regarding his innocence probably saw and heard things I never did. And I trust that the fiber, the thread that runs through us all touched THEM today too. And they had to do as Marcus Aurelius said : Look things in the face and know them for what they are ... I hope Michael Jackson gets the kind of help he needs. It will have been such a waste if something positive can't come out of this.